Goodbyes happen every day and to varying degrees throughout our year. They span from finishing a great meal to losing a loved one. Through regular journaling I found that being intentional about this process was comforting and helped me ease the transitions from life with something to life without it.
If you have experienced tragic loss you know there are no words to describe the anguish and the all-consuming weight that bears down on you. We’ve just passed the 6-month anniversary of my friend Kim’s death and the experience has evolved in different ways, so it is time to write again. Some aspects are worse. Some are better. Here are my experiences with grief, as they present themselves further along in the process.
Grief is volatile and all-encompassing, physically and emotionally, and we are at its mercy. I welcome you into this space because I believe there is healing in sharing, for all involved, and simply composing this has already given me the ability to write the more hopeful "next steps" included further in.
I strongly believe that “life is a journey not a destination”, but this doesn’t give me much day-to-day guidance. Where do worthwhile hustle and healthy productivity fit in the mix? When do we push, and when do we sit back? Surely our destinies are not written so entirely that we should just be along for the ride. Where do ambition, activism, and goal-setting fit?
If you’ve experienced emotional lows in your life (as many of us have after this year), you’re probably aware of what is now being called “toxic positivity.” To find the good in every moment sometimes just isn’t possible, and to push that narrative can sometimes be even more harmful.
We’ve all been given a glimpse of a horrifying scenario and have been given a second chance. So now what? We want pre-2020 back, but not all of it. So what do we change? What do we take with us, and what do we leave behind? After living with the absence of so many things, I suggest we have a very rare opportunity to examine our lives and intentionally decide what gets added back in and what doesn’t. Now is the time to give this some thought.
“A year in parenthesis” We’re officially one year into this pandemic. And while we may be eager to forget it ever happened, I suggest that we still have the option of being changed for the better. In my last few posts I outlined the struggles that I and other musicians are facing in the absence of being on stage. So much of our self-worth is tied to the adrenaline rush and feedback we receive, and without them things begin to crumble and our motivation can slow to a stop. (I’d love for you to take a second to check out…
Those of us linked to the performance industry receive our reinforcement in the form of an engaged audience, big smiles, applause, and maybe a personal story shared with us after a show, so it's no surprise that many of us are feeling more stalled and unmotivated than ever. The more successful we feel, the more eager we are to create, and right now there’s nothing to trigger that cycle. So then the question is: when we’re not creating, who are we, even?
“Missing Motivation” To say it has been a tough year for musicians is an understatement. We are all facing unprecedented challenges, and my personal view from inside the music community has been of feelings such as denial, disbelief, crisis, apathy, loss of self, and a host of others. I have had some very powerful conversations with musicians about their symptoms in addition to experiencing many of them myself, and I have spent the last several months taking a deeper look. This is all in effort to give words to our shared experience, and to allow us to find relief in…
Coping with unstructured days in uncertain times This is an unprecedented time in our country, and for each of us personally. While we’re grappling with the uncertainty and fear of a global pandemic, many of us are also facing a new challenge: free time. We can’t remember the last time we woke up without an alarm, cooked all three meals, or binged-watched a netflix series. It’s enjoyable at first, but ironically the expanse of time can lead to feeling massively overwhelmed, especially when coupled with the widespread anxiety that’s enveloping our country. We’re a few weeks in, and this is…