I was nervous for this trip. It occurred to me as I was boarding my first flight to South Dakota that I’ve very rarely taken trips alone. I travel by myself often, but it’s almost always to a gig with a bandmate waiting at the other end. This trip out west was my first solo venture funded by my new nonprofit (which I’ll talk more about in the coming posts.) The plan was to perform and teach the students of Pine Ridge Reservation; an area rich with culture that faces devastating hardship. This solo adventure was a new feeling, but it didn’t strike me how new it was until I was jogging through the Dallas airport… three different times… catching and missing five different flights… that there wasn’t anyone waiting for me at the other end except a classroom of Lakota children who didn’t know I was coming. Fear set in. Could I actually do this?

After missing my first connection by a few heartbreaking seconds, I stood at the airport window and locked into a teary-eyed stare-down with the sealed plane. My ticket to this new adventure was sitting right in front of me but was totally out of reach.  My determination was being tested, and it was determination that I wasn’t sure I had to begin with. 

I was re-routed and sent jogging to the next connection, only to find that I hadn’t been listed on that flight, and that my real flight was leaving momentarily from the other end of the terminal. More jogging. (With my fiddle on my back and a bad knee, mind you.)  I made it just as they were shutting the doors. “Wow, I am being tested.”

I made it to airport #3 and still had one flight left (my fourth that day), but when I was turned away because they yet again couldn’t find my name on the list of passengers, my determination really dwindled. Defeat set in. The whole “being tested” theory began to feel way too optimistic, and I felt silly for thinking this was something I could do on my own. “Maybe I’m forcing something that’s not supposed to happen.” “Maybe this is me being humbled and reminded that I’m not quite ready.” Just as this realization spread over me, the flight attendant hung up the phone with a smile and welcomed me on board.

Forty-five minutes later I had arrived in Rapid City and was driving down Route 90, windows down and pop country playing on the radio. (Country is the only real option on South Dakota radio, so I embraced it. Even bought a new hat.) The expanse of the great American West sprawled in front of me. I took a big, relieved and victorious breath. The grasslands; the setting of so much troubling history juxtaposed by so much natural beauty. It was the most alive and powerful I had felt in a long time.

My original plan was to arrive at Badlands National Park in the early afternoon and hike before dinner. What didn’t occur to me, though, was that my day of delays meant catching the sun as it set, casting warm orange light across the legendary rock formations. Almost like the sun hung on until I got there. It was breathtaking, and I wouldn’t have experienced the stunning sunset otherwise. A triumph and a reward.

I would later tell this whole story in its most exaggerated form to classrooms full of laughing second-graders, complete with flight attendant impersonations and cartoon-esque depictions of my panicked runs through the airport. I was honest with them about my excitement and nervousness. I was so happy to be there and I wanted them to know it. 

There’s so many directions I could take this concluding paragraph. For the travelers: I’ve found my trips very rarely go as planned. Lately I’ve been mentally preparing for worst-case scenarios and expecting a fiasco, so I’m pleasantly surprised when things go smoothly. Keep smiling, find the humor, and trust that flight attendants are doing everything they can. Tears sometimes work, but not always. And for all of us humans, here’s what I left this day with: Self-doubt is okay, and fear is a good sign. Keep going. Your sunset awaits. (Or better yet, a classroom of adoring little people.) 

My next posts will dive into the magic I experienced on Pine Ridge reservation, and include a list of hacks for booking flights.

Thanks for reading, drriifters.

Diana

The Badlands playlist ⬇. Follow me on Spotify here.