Paris was beautiful in so many ways. 
You can order 3 types of bread and 2 desserts all at once and no one bats a single judgmental eyelash. They practically have a cigarette hanging from their mouths as they serve the table anyway, like a beacon of their disregard. Parisians live on croissants in the morning, wine at lunch, cheese for dessert, cigarettes all day, and another baguette as they walk home. They stand confidently in their own skin, and I heard very few comments on each others’ appearance. There was a perpetual sense of shrugging and saying “you do you.” And better yet: “here’s some more bread.” No judgement, and more importantly, no shame. 

Paris inspired me to think more on this idea of authenticity, specifically how it pertains to our human connection and our beloved social media world, and develop some thoughts that have been percolating for awhile. (It’s 4am here in Kansas City as I reflect and write this. I’m still slightly on “Paris time” and if the ideas flow, I don’t stop them. More on that in my last post.)

Being on stage offers me the unique opportunity to learn and explore human connection. I know what it takes to put on a “show” and now I’m also learning what true connection stemming from honesty and authenticity feels like. It’s unmistakable. It was years of stomping around the stage with a painted smile on my face before I realized what it felt like to lower the facade and truly start emoting. (Yes, I know I still smile a lot. But it’s honest!)

Off stage I’ve been spending more time on social media, and have discovered that you can create that same ‘authenticity vs. performance’ even through pictures and prose. As I’m drafting posts and especially as I’m writing this blog, I’m constantly asking myself if this is genuinely what I’m feeling, or if it’s something I may be crafting for the reaction of my readers for the sake of attention, the “wow-factor,” etc. It’s rare, but I’ve deleted whole blog posts that I didn’t feel were entirely authentic, were impulsive and undeveloped, or simply not helpful. I think posting publicly about our lives is a beautiful thing and gives us the opportunity to empathize, sympathize, broaden our perspective, etc…  but intention is everything.

I was the editor of the opinion page of my high school newspaper (you can’t be surprised.) I wrote a provocative article that called light to some serious issues within the school. Looking back, I realize that I did it in a way that was a bit too critical. The article spread quickly to the point of being taped to lockers and was used as ammunition for bullying. Even though guilt and regret overcame me, the attention was intoxicating. I sought another topic and another group to target that would create a similar response. I found it, and lost some friends in the process. The first article was meant to call serious issues to light with a respectable intent, and the second article was purely for attention. I still live with a lot of guilt for the misuse use of my public voice this way.

Social media sets the perfect stage for this misuse, and perpetuates attention as a drug. We all know the posts that are overly revealing for the wrong reasons, and if you haven’t spotted them, I encourage you to keep this idea on your radar as your scrolling. They feel icky. The more provocative, the more “likes” the post gets. I’ve read studies that describe social media as a drug that we look to for a dopamine hit, like many use other destructive and addictive vices. The attention can be pleasurable to the point of over-sharing. I’m such a believer in the power and strength of vulnerability, but too much honesty to attract attention quickly becomes self-exploitation, and often we don’t even realize it’s happening. I’ve noticed that if you sit and draft the post long enough you can become desensitized to it. The public, however, sees it for the first time and their eyes widen as they hit “like,” almost reflexively. I’m guilty of both posting and ‘liking’ this material, but it’s not designed to do anything helpful or serve the world; it’s meant to serve the one posting it, and not in a healthy way. A certain amount of this travel year I’m comfortable sharing as I’m experiencing and learning from it, but much of it I’ll only be comfortable sharing once I feel settled in my own feelings and conclusions on the topic. I’d rather wait and share my story the purpose of being helpful, not just an exciting read.

There’s a quick road to social media “success” via provocative posts and personal stories, but I’m not sure that road would be very fulfilling or rewarding. I hope to be a loud voice someday who can help many people, but in a way that retains its authenticity and validity, and that practices self respect in the process.  I’d like to think you (the reader) and I have created a trusting, loving relationship, and it’s a relationship I consider fragile and hold dearly. I hope to maintain it with wholesome and authentic content, and I hope this post will create an openness between all of us to keep us accountable and aware.

Before every picture or blog post I ask myself a series of questions, and If I can’t comfortably answer those questions I can acknowledge that I’m using social media for the wrong reasons. I ask myself:

• Why am I posting this?
• Who am I helping?
• Is it beautifying the world?

Authentic IG accounts I love, who’s primary mission is to help its followers:
@iamwellandgood
@healthysizeyou
@nutritionwithchelsea
@bosswomenmindset

Love you all, drriifters 💙🌏💨