I heard a podcast once that spoke about fighting the “drift.” It advocated not being swept up in life, but instead to seize it. I have the exact opposite problem: I seize it so hard that I don’t always let life unfold organically.  

Who do you trust when you take your hands off the wheel? And how often do you trust it/her/them? This is a work in progress for me. I’ve seen time and time again my patience be rewarded with a scenario that was far better than I could have envisioned, but I also fear the complacency of too much drifting.  

In a recent post I mentioned that I live a life riddled with uncertainty. Schedule, meals, work environment, co-workers… In an average day, there’s countless ingredients that I have no control over. That makes me want to clamp down harder. That being said, my recent trip to LA was the perfect example of good things happening when I release my grip: we booked the trip 4 days before we went, and actively decided that we were going to make zero plans. NONE. If something cool arose, great, but we were also committed to being perfectly content doing very little. It was a little uncomfortable at first, but by 12pm we were hanging with musician friends in a great Saturday craft market, and by Saturday evening we were being welcomed up on stage, instruments in hand, to play for a room full of awesome people who would quickly become friends. (More here) We shook our heads. Whatever “higher power” you trust in, he/she/they had served us once again. We trusted the drift.

As most 30 year-olds do, I’m finding myself in a semi-frantic search for what my bigger role in this world is going to be. What will be my life’s work? My impact on this world? And it feels like the clock is ticking. I’d like it to happen asap, and I already feel late to the game. This fear can be all-consuming some days, and my tendency is to make big plans, set lofty goals, and hustle forward, which can be exhausting and often misguided and impulsive. Lately I’ve been trying to convince myself that it’s not just my sheer will and ability that’s dictating my course in life. (If I truly believed it were, I’d never sleep, and some days that’s exactly what happens.) I really want to believe that there’s more to this plan than just me, and that sometimes by clawing my way forward I may actually get in the way. When I take a moment to reflect on where I am, I realize that my biggest achievements to date weren’t conscious decisions, they unfolded over the course of several years in a combination of chance, opportunity, and then hustle once there was a clearer direction.  With that thought I actually stand a chance at taking my hands off the wheel and letting the drift play a role.

We’re in Northern Michigan this week (the subject of all these pictures) and staying with a series of amazing friend and family hosts. We have the days to travel around, recreate, and spend time with these lovely people before our evening shows. This is my week to practice putting some trust in something bigger than myself on a day-to-day basis. So far I’m finding it very freeing, especially as a perfectionist, to let myself trust in a forward motion outside my control. It means way fewer decisions to make ahead of time, but it means some quicker decision-making in the moment and a more acute awareness of what I truly want at any given time. (More here)

I’m still left questioning my larger role in the world, but actively allowing more room for some daily drift is offering me more short-term contentment. It’s scary, but I have to remind myself of the countless instances that leave me shaking my head going: “this has to have happened for a reason bigger than me, and I’m so glad I was open to it and prepared to adapt.” Leaving a space for uncertainty allows the universe to fill it, and its humbling when it’s better than anything I could have predicted.

The mantra of the week compliments of a friend and powerful female embodiment coach:
“Hold space for the inevitable conclusion.” 

Happy summering, drriifters 💙🌏💨
Diana

Northern Michigan tunes: